I have shared this post before because my feeling and emotions I shared then is still raw now.This photo was taken 15 years ago when I was heavily pregnant with my daughter (my first born). It means a lot to me because that was a happy day, a stroll with my dad on the beach. Tomorrow it will be exactly five years since the passing on of my father. The pain has never gone away and I am forever looking at this photograph, sometimes I smile and other times I am blinded by tears. You only understand deep sadness of losing someone when you go through it yourself. Here in exactly 100 words I am my father’s thought and voice on the day we put him to rest. I am hoping this is what he was feeling.
Out Of Time
Thursday afternoon in the scourging sun the Cathedral’s colourful stained glass windows glisten. The building has an air of welcoming someone important. Wearing my best suit in my wardrobe I wait. I see so many familiar faces looking at me. There is something different about them today, everyone is looking glum. I am the only one smiling. Here they come; my three daughters and my wife emerging from the car of my dear friend. They are sad. Holding on to each other they stare. I want to say “I love you” but I have run out of time. It’s my funeral.
I am still missing him everyday and I would like to think that he was smiling that day, a sign that he is at peace and in a happy place…well I hope he is! And I also know that he did love us no matter what and I wish we had more time. (anther piece I wrote a couple of years ago)